Why He Missed the Bus

As the bus to Bnei Brak approached the young man at the Beit Shemesh stop, he put his hand in his pocket to take out the 13 shekels he had prepared for paying the fare. He was shocked to find only three shekels and decided to forgo that bus and go home to get the rest of the money.

No sooner had the bus pulled out than a neighbor pulled up in his car and asked him why he didnt get on the bus. Upon hearing his explanation he informed him that he was driving to Bnei Brak and would be glad to give him a lift. They rode for a while behind the missed bus and suddenly saw it swerve off the road and fall into a deep gorge, an accident which resulted in injuries to many passengers.

Realizing that he had almost been on that bus the young man began to weep. He put his hand in his pocket to get a handkerchief to wipe his tears and what did he find hiding in it? The missing ten shekels!

One Message With One Voice

“If a man will have a wayward and rebellious son, who does not listen to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother…” (21:18)

Three of the essential ingredients in raising happy, well-integrated children are "The Three F’s" – Firm, Fair and Friendly.

Firm: Children need to know where they stand. They like nothing more than clearly defined limits. A parent who makes a demand and then backs down gives a child a sense of insecurity, for the child never knows exactly where the boundary is. Children push the limits precisely because they wish to know that there are limits. When we are firm, we give our children a defined world in which they can establish their relationship to the world at large rather than a vast expanse of frighteningly unknown possibilities. Of course, as parents we should therefore limit our demands to those things over which we are prepared not to back down. We must choose our battlefields wisely.

Fair: A child has a sense of what’s fair and what’s not. True, children are somewhat biased in their view of what fair consists of, but they are the first to recognize uneven-handed treatment. As parents, we must be unstinting in guarding against any kind of favoritism, either to siblings or to our own agendas.

Friendly: The correct proportion of positive interaction to negative interaction should be 80/20. In other words, every interaction that requires disciplinary words or action should be balanced by four times as many positive and loving experiences. In addition, however exasperating children can be, it’s always more effective to oblige them in a friendly manner. When they need correction, it should be done in a friendly tone of voice. Shouting certainly makes one feel better, but it’s nearly always counterproductive in the long run. It shows weakness and insecurity.

Apart from The Three F’s, there’s a fourth ingredient that is equally as important.

Consistency.

Consistency is necessary not just in the behavior of each parent, but between the parents themselves. We learn this message from this weeks Torah portion:

If a man will have a wayward and rebellious son, who does not listen to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother…

A child is considered to be in the halachic category ofwayward and rebellious onlyif he does not listen to the voice of his father and his mother. Among other things we learn from this verse is that both the father and the mother must have similar voices. The deeper meaning of both the parents having similar voices is that they must both speak with one voice, that they should not contradict one another in what is expected both of themselves and the child. The message that is broadcast in the home must be consistent, for without this keystone in child-rearing the child cannot be considered at fault.

• Sources: based on Rabbi Noach Orlowek

No Stone Unturned

"Do not erect for yourself an altar of only one stone."

‘Organized religion’ is one of those phrases which is guaranteed to bring distaste to the Western liberal sensitivity.

Being part of a group smacks of regimentation. We who were educated in the ‘liberal enlightened’ tradition were taught to cherish the moment alone with one’s Creator, in a field, on top of a hill, under the stars. And, to be sure, the individual communicating with his Creator not only finds a place in Judaism but is Judaism’s bequest to the world.

But there is another side to Divine worship. One that is much maligned and misunderstood: that of the klal (the entire group) and its Maker.

There are two kinds of altars. An altar made from a single block of stone and an altar made from many stones. There are two kinds of Divine service. That of the individual and that of the klal. The single block represents the service of the individual; that of many stones represents the service of the complete group.

In this week’s portion of the week we learn that the Torah forbids an altar consisting of only one stone. Even though in the times of the Avot the fathers of the Jewish People) the single stone altar was beloved, subsequently, however, it became the preferred method of idolatry and thus was no longer fitting for the service of G-d.

The prophet Eliyahu erected an altar of twelve stones. Twelve is the number of the Tribes of Israel. The Altar of twelve stones symbolizes the unity of the Jewish People in the service of G-d; the klalbecoming like one person. The stones are separate but they join together and become the instrument through which Man can serve his Creator. The individual’s desire its appropriate expression when channeled through this mystical ‘one person’ who is the Jewish People.

Thus it was that the Forefathers were able to build altars of only one stone. For they were the entire Jewish People in embryo. But once the Jewish People are ‘born’ at Sinai, the service of the individual finds its proper fulfillment in making up the ‘one person’ who is Israel.

The spiritual light that we receive in this world is radiated as a totality to all parts of Creation. There is no place which is devoid of His radiance. Thus, when we approach our Creator, it must be as a totality, joined like the stones of the altar. For with even one stone missing, there is no altar.

Fire

"The carved images of their gods you shall burn in the fire… for it is an abomination of Hashem, your G-d." (7:25)

Our Sages teach us that extreme anger is like worshipping idols. What is the connection?

Imagine you’re a courtier in the palace of the king. While walking past you, one of the other courtiers treads on your toe. Rather than apologize, he turns around and pokes his tongue out at you.

Do you curse and shout at him? I doubt it. Not, that is, unless you are unconcerned about you head staying in nodding contact with the rest of your body. Your awe of the king, not to mention the fear of his punishment, make it easy for you to swallow your pride and smile a wan and insincere smile at your fellow courtier.

When a person becomes angry it’s as though he’s saying that he’s not in the courtroom of the king. Or worse – there is no courtroom, no king.

Everything in this physical world has a spiritual cause. Anger is always compared to fire. Anger ‘consumes’ like a fire the person who feels the anger. Anger turns the face flame red. Anger ‘burns you up’.

Sometimes, we even may get a glimpse of the connection of the spiritual to the physical.

The Hayman fire, the largest fire in the history of Colorado consumed tens of thousands of beautiful forestland. The fire was caused by a 38-year old Forest Service technician who took a letter from her estranged husband and burned it in anger. Apparently, she thought that she had extinguished the fire and left, only to find later that it was spreading out of control.

When we ignite the flames of wrath, it’s very difficult to put them out. If one act of anger can burn half a state, one shudders to think what happens in the spiritual forest-lands above when a Jew’s anger flames.

Forever

“Ascend to the top of the cliff, and raise your eyes westward, northward, and see with your eyes, for you shall not cross this Jordan.” (3:27)

Picture the feelings of longing that Moshe must have had as he stood on top of the cliff, gazing out over the land that he given so much to enter.

There it was stretched out in front of him like a map. The Land of Israel. So close and yet so far. G-d knew how much Moshe wanted to go into Eretz Yisrael, so why did He ‘tantalize’ Moshe by telling him to go up and gaze at this land that he knew he was never going to enter?

Furthermore, our Sages tell us that by prophetic insight G-d showed Moshe every single square inch of Eretz Yisrael – which only must have increased his longing!

What was G-d’s purpose?

Each of the Avot, the Patriarchs, are associated with a specific quality: Avraham with Chesed, Kindness; Yitchak with Gevurah, Self-control; etc. The quality that is associated with Moshe isNetzach – Eternity.

Everything that Moshe did was forever.

If Moshe had gone into the land of Israel with the Jewish People, then their entry would have been an ‘eternal entry’. Everything that Moshe did had the touch of eternity. After such an entry, the Jewish People could never again leave the Land. G-d knew that the Jewish People would have to go into exile, for they would not be able to maintain the high spiritual standards that the Land requires. If they could not leave, and they could not stay, they would be caught, as it were, in a spiritual vise and they would be in the very real danger of annihilation.

Thus, Moshe could not enter the Land of Israel.

However, G-d made Moshe’s non-entry into the Land serve a positive purpose. G-d wanted to sear the memory of the Land of Israel into the collective psyche of the Jewish People. By showing Moshe every blade of grass, by taking him and showing him every corner of the land he was never to enter, G-d planted in Moshe’s heart a longing for the Land of Israel which would be eternal.

Look at our daily prayers. Look at the blessings after eating a meal. Our petitions to G-dare saturated with the name of the Land which we long to return to as a Holy People.

Throughout the long, long night of exile, the Jewish People have never lost that same longing forEretz Yisrael that Moshe felt when he stood on the top of the cliff and gazed into the Land he would never enter.

Ready When You Are, Mr. De Mille!

"…and from there he saw the edge of the people." (22:39)

Cecil B. De Mille, the Hollywood director who invented the ‘epic’ movie, stood ready to shoot the climax of his latest epic.

No expense had been spared to re-create a mind-boggling authentic depiction of the collapse of an entire city in a massive man-made earthquake that would rival the real thing.

De Mille was taking no chances and he had a then-unheard-of three cameras shooting the convulsions and death-throes of the city.

Everything was set.

He signaled the special effects team. A massive explosion rent the air, followed by another, the ground heaved and surged upward, manipulated by vast unseen hydraulic lifts; specially trained stunt men and women risked their lives, dodging falling Doric pillars and the lunging floors careering skyward.

Buildings were falling in every direction; fires poured out of the carcasses of those that had already fallen.

After the dust had settled, De Mille picked up his bullhorn and roared to the first camera, "Didja get it?"

"Mr. De Mille, I don’t know what happened, I’m so sorry! The film jammed just before we started."

"Okay, don’t worry, we still have two cameras."

"Camera two, didja get it?" "Mr. De Mille, right at the beginning, during the first explosion, a stone hit the camera; we didn’t get anything!"

"Never mind, we’ve still got one camera. Camera three, didja get it? Didja get it?"

"…Ready when you are, Mr. De Mille…"

It seems like the Jewish People are like extras waiting to come on the set in this week’s Torah reading.

Had the Torah not told us of the episode of Bilam trying to curse the Jewish People, we would never have known about it.

All the other events that the Torah writes concerning the Jewish People could also be known from tradition, but not this week’s parsha. When this week’s parsha was taking place, the Jewish People were way out of earshot. You could only see them somewhere in the distance – from the top of a hill; across a field; in the wilderness. But we never see them close up. They’re like extras in their own movie. Had it not been for the Torah, we would never know what a narrow escape we had. The Jewish People walk through this week’s parsha blissfully unaware of the machinations of Balak and Bilam.

At the end of sixth century, the Byzantine Empire completely destroyed the Jewish settlement in the Land of Israel. Unbeknownst to the Jews of Babylon, the Byzantines then poised themselves to also make Babylon ‘Judenrein’. Before they could implement their plans, however, the Moslem revolt toppled them from power.

Jews played a prominent role in the overthrow of Czarist Russia and in the subsequent Soviet government. Secretly, however, in 1953, Josef Stalin tried unsuccessfully to destroy the Jews in what became known as "The Doctors’ Plot." According to one theory, if the “Doctors’ Plot” had carried on and reached its climax, there would have been a mass expulsion of Soviet Jewry. But these plans died along with Stalin on March 6, 1953.

In the series of Psalms that make up Hallel, there appears the shortest Psalm (117). It speaks of a world in the time of the Mashiach:

"Praise G-d all nations; laud Him all the peoples; for His kindness to us was overwhelming."

Once, a Russian prince asked Rav Itzaleh of Volozhin why non-Jews will be expected to praise G-d for His kindness to Israel. Rav Itzaleh replied, "The princes of the nations constantly plot our annihilation but our Merciful G-d foils your plans. You keep your plots so secret that we Jews don’t even realize in how many ways you have tried to harm us and in how many ways G-d has saved us. Only you, the nations of the non-Jewish world, truly see the extent of G-d’s kindness to us, and therefore only you can praise Him adequately.

• Source: Based on an idea heard from Rabbi Reuven Subar

The Object Of Desire

"And Korach…took" (16:1)

"And G-d said ‘Let Us make man in Our image.’ " (Bereshet 1:26)

Artists throughout the ages have taken this verse and stood it on its head: Man has ‘created’ G-d in his image. The G-d of Michelangelo, Donatello and others appears as no more than a venerable grandfather, complete with a long white beard and robes. Save for a few thunderbolts, their G-d looks like an Italian zeide in a costume.

What does the Torah mean when it says that G-d created man "in His image"?

When G-d created man, He gave him two powers: the power of giving and the power of taking. The power to give is the elevated quality that imitates G-d, for G-d is the ultimate Giver. There is nothing you can give Him in return since He already owns everything. Man is created specifically to imitate G-d by being a giver.

The desire to take is the antithesis of G-d’s purpose in creating man. Furthermore, taking is not about amassing a vast fortune, or a fleet of Porsches; it’s not a matter of "He who dies with the most toys wins." In truth, the desire to take has nothing to do with toys, trophies or physical objects at all.

The desire to take is the dark side of the power to give. It is the anti-world of giving, its negative doppelganger. The desire to take is never satisfied by the object of its desire. It’s amazing how quickly the sheen wears off a pristine new computer, or a new car, or a new wife (if that’s your view of marriage). For once the object becomes our possession it ceases to interest us, the desire is gone, and we focus on something else. Why?

The desire to take is never satisfied by the object of our desire because the desire to take is really the desire to enlarge ourselves, to make ourselves more, to take up more real estate in reality – to exist more.

And that desire is insatiable.

All physical desires have their limits – there’s just so much pâté de foie gras you can consume, but the desire to be more, the dark side of giving, is insatiable.

This week’s Torah reading starts with the following sentence, "And Korach (the son of Yitzhar, the son of Kohat, the son of Levi) together with Datan and Aviram (the sons of Eliav) and On ben Pelet (sons of Reuven), took." There is no object in this sentence. It just says that "Korach …took…" without revealing what or whom he took. What, then, is the object of the sentence?

What did Korach take?

Korach "took" the entire sad episode that followed: his rebellion and demise are the object of the first sentence of the weekly portion.

Korach was the quintessential taker. What he wanted was more, more and more.

Korach wanted to devour the world.

And thus it was apt that the earth opened its mouth and devoured him.

• Sources: Based on Rabbi E. E. Dessler’s Kuntras HaChessed and Rabbi Shimshon Rafael Hirsch